Setting the Pace Our first night along might well have proved a daunting experience, but we thought little of it. With the telephone within my reach, and the alarm bell connected us with the Lady Warden for real emergencies only, what could be safer? Our helper had all been given keys to our front door as well. Even so, I could not resist the bewildering declaration: "Jack, I'm worried because, well, there's nothing to worry about"! Meanwhile, our joint pension book and our rent card safely tucked in the bureau held a special significance. Although most of our income was accounted for on the Time Sheets which Jack kept neatly for our helpers, we felt quite rich as the Lady Warden collected our money at the Post Office that first Monday! Jack had done his homework on our budget, giving me the housekeeping to look after while he attended to other bills and calculated future expenses. It worked out most satisfactorily, and neither of us wanted more. Jack was enjoying his new role. Christmas was fast approaching – our very first Christmas together. We had cards to send and presents to wrap, as well as some sort of life-style to organise. The days were never long enough by far. As if all this was not enough, the Spirit of Christmas appeared to us in a most unexpected way. A member of the Round Table Group arrived with a television set – something we had never dreamed of having at that time. Yet, as he placed it on our spare trolley, he even apologised for the absence of the BBC-2 channel! We were amazed and delighted simultaneously, and thanked him as well as we knew how. His wife, who accompanied him, added more goodwill by bringing some vegetables, already prepared, for our festive lunch. And there was still more to come! On Christmas Day, just as I was about to serve our meal of chicken pieces and vegetables, the same gentleman returned with a bottle of champagne! In minutes he had completed the serving for me, and we all drank a toast to the great occasion. We can better appreciate now the kindness shown to us then. Everything was too new and strange to grasp the full meaning of it all. It was the beginning of a completely new way of life, and we could not be at all sure how it would work out. As early as Boxing Day, our confidence was to take a hard knock. Our newly appointed morning woman failed to turn up. Waking suddenly from a deep sleep, I nudged Jack. "We've been let down. It's nine o'clock," I told him. "Oh dear," he grunted, "I suppose we better ring the warden." I managed to drag the trim-phone on to the bed, and make the call. No answer. This was most unusual. Not sure what to do next, I elected to telephone Alec, to prevent him from coming as arranged to take us to Jack's mother for the day. What a good thing Jack can memorise most of the telephone numbers we use regularly! Before long, Alec and Laura were letting themselves in at the front door. "Come on. We'll get you up," they announced confidently. We were ready to accept any solution by then, and began our instructions. Pausing at one point, Alec grinned thoughtfully. "Known you for twenty years, Jack, but I've never done this before!" Thus was were enabled to keep our plans. But had we known it, the Lady Warden was only walking her dogs, and would have returned in time anyway. Muss Barnes knew nothing of this dilemma, and we decided that she deserved to be left uninterrupted over the holiday. We later discovered that our morning helper had changed her mind about the job, notifying the Welfare Department by post. The office of course was closed, so the message failed to reach us. There was no going back now, however, and Miss Barnes herself was dressing us the following weekend. "I hope you'll trust me to do it," she pleaded. We were only cautious about being too much for her to handle. But she was overjoyed, and clapped her hands, when we agreed. "Come on. Where do I start then?" Thereby we learned another side of this wonderful person. We could not recall ever being treated with such care and respect. One would think WE were doing HER a favour! We were to call on her services many times, until somehow we got the help we needed. Even so, she would volunteer to put us bed extra late on the nights we wanted to attend the theatre, or go out for a meal. She was also concerned, when she called unexpectedly, if she found me trying to push the carpet-sweeper round, or struggling with the ironing. A Home Help was visiting us, but only for two hours each week, which was hardly sufficient time for our needs. So Miss Barnes formed a habit of calling in. "I've a few minutes to spare – anything I can do? she would ask. "I'd love to play in your kitchen!" I was almost afraid of accepting too much help then, in case it was admitting defeat. But I was glad to allow her to dry a few dishes, and do other little jobs occasionally. Without doubt, it was a tough time. Establishing any new routine is difficult for me, and I always seemed to be fighting the clock. After breakfast, Jack would disappear into his room to type, while I washed up. Then, I had put some washing in to soak, as I did every day, the soap-powder would do its biological best while I assembled the necessary things to make dinner. It helped tremendously, of course, when one three days each week I could just warm up our Meals on Wheels containers. Soon it was coffee time, and so on. It may have seemed simple and straightforward to most people, but to me it was a long and tiring morning's work. "If only I wasn't stubborn about wanting to use fresh foods. My life would be much easier I used frozen meals and tinned veg all the time!," I signed. Jack smiles at my tussles of conscience on the subject to this day. Despite the harassing times there were some rewarding moments too. Our basic happiness was an all-important stabilising factor during the trial-and-error period. We loved our cosy evenings together, when we could close our curtains against the outside world. Those two precious hours more than justified my long, wearying day. To be truthful, I was my own worst enemy in those early days, when it came to being fiercely independent. It took a most insistent person to make me accept help over and above what I considered to be my quota. Family and friends were the last people I would ask, and it must have puzzled them to see me obviously needing assistance, yet determined to manage alone. Jack worried as well, constantly trying to think up ways of easing the pressure on me. It was helpful, therefore, when he managed to budget carefully enough to pay one of our women to take our washing home. This was more help than I admitted, in fact, and by keeping my culinary experiments modest, we pulled through. My March of that first year, the elderly couple were forced to give up through illness. We were sorry to lose them, for they had formed the important basis of our original staff. Other changes meant that Trevor was doing extra duties for us, and his sister, Thelma, was also happily helping out. Then we added another helper to our severely depleted forces. Living just around the corner with her retired husband, 64-years-old Mrs. Newby seemed the ideal person to fill our mid-day vacancy. Though childless herself, she was motherly to us from the start. She greatly surprised herself in mastering the job, aided only by my simple instructions. Mrs. Newby soon came to understand us both very well, and her acute awareness of our needs allowed us to do our bit as well. It was often a blessing that she knew just when to take over, saying, "It's all right. I'll just do that for you." Then quickly washing up the dinner things, she would perhaps save me an hour's work. Nevertheless, domesticity had to be my main occupation – there was little time for anything else. One diversion, however, was talking to students about the background to our new life, and showing them what could be achieved for disabled people, given the necessary support. In fact, we were only too pleased to spread the word in this way. Thereafter, at fairly regular intervals, our small flat would be crammed with students on various courses – midwives, home helps, or maybe young people taking social studies. It was interesting for us, and we were assured that our contributions were useful. We lost count of the number of people passing through our home during that first year. Discounting the groups of students, it was something like two hundred! We managed to take a holiday, when Mildred and Bill had us both at their Co. Durham home for two weeks. But in spite of that break, we were living at a high pitch, though unaware of it at the time. I had been a migraine sufferer for some years, and these attacks were gradually increasing. Mercifully, they did not render me inactive for more than two hours at a time, and no drugs were needed. I just accepted it. But I brought to a sudden standstill in November by a severe chest infection. It was the one thing that I most dreaded, remembering my desperate battle with pneumonia all those years previously. Only then did it occur to me that I had been overdoing things, and was now being forced to ease up. With the aid of antibiotics, my body went about its business of fighting the big. What little strength I had to cough was helped by sitting up, so I got up in my chair as usual. I felt thoroughly miserable. But at least I was able to relax dozily, while Jack organised things around me with Mrs. Newby paying extra visits to help. Also alerted to the situation, the Lady Warden, Mrs. Reeves, was required to come in during some nights, to help clear my lungs. Triumphantly, I recovered within three weeks. Christmas 1970 cam and went, during which time we visited my family. It was the first opportunity for me to go back. It was strange to see the room rearranged where my back had been, and to hear the familiar sounds, of the children chattering. Many memories came flooding back, but I had no regrets. In fact, this visit made me realise that I was still very much part of the family. I welcomed the new unity. Gerard had already been calling to see us during his school lunchtimes, and Eileen paid fairly frequent visits, though she was struggling with her turbulent teens. So we moved into our second year. Now there seemed less pressure upon us to do well. It had been vitally important to us to "make it" in that first twelve months. We were always setting the pace – always gauging our own efforts against what we thought might be expected of us. In this demanding situation, any accomplishment brought satisfaction. Then, having achieved our aims this far, we became more confident. Even the failure of my powered chair was not the desperate disaster I once feared. Slowly, our daily activities increased. Our talks to students continued, and I began to do some jewellery repairs. We bought a daily newspaper, and actually found time to read it. Realising that I enjoyed making my own clothes, Jack managed to buy a secondhand electric sewing machine. Then we both became active committee members of the St Raphael Club. All this time, Miss Barnes was in regular contact, though keeping unobtrusively in the background.